It’s like we’re speaking different languages! He’s a stubborn child, who won’t listen to anything I say and ignores almost anything I ask. I wish he were more responsible, so that we could communicate better. I admit I don’t have a lot of patience and after a certain point I just end up imposing myself on him, in order to get him to listen. But I also don’t have a lot of time and most days are stressful. Maybe that’s why we don’t really get along. I don’t have enough patience and he won’t listen. It’s clear that something’s just not right,” a 12-year-old boy’s mother writes to us.

Your communication with your child is the foundation of your relationship with him. But what do you do when, no matter how strong your wishes, you just can’t make the child listen and understand what you’re saying?

You’re fed up with repeating the same monologue, with the same message or request, over and over again, every single day. You need him to listen and you need to stop feeling like you and your child are speaking different languages. You love him so much, but you really want him to stop being so stubborn!

You might always run into problems when it comes to communicating with your child. But there are also solutions you can try, and for most of them the child’s age is not even relevant.

While I’m writing this, I raise my eyes towards the wall by the living room door, where a fine crack leads all the way up to the ceiling. And I remember how, about a year ago, my son loved slamming doors. I have no idea how he could muster so much physical strength, but he succeeded in cracking the wall and messing up the doorframe.

Neither mine nor his father’s requests to stop slamming the door seemed to get through to my stubborn child – because in those moments, when I could feel the entire apartment building shaking to its core, that’s how I saw him. And it only stopped on the day when I changed my methods.

Your relationship with your child shouldn’t be a struggle. Some kids have a stronger personality. And a stubborn or strong willed child will really be a handful for his parents. But there are ways to deal even with these situations.

The first step is to establish in what stage your child is.

Young children are, by default, immune to the word „No!”. Because they are in the process of discovering everything! The independence gained from mobility makes them unstoppable. They want to discover things, to feel, to hear, to see what happens if…

How to Turn a „No” Into a „Yes”. Negotiation Techniques for Your 3 Year-Old

Preschoolers will do whatever it takes to test their limits. They will feel like nothing can harm them (when in fact they’re just not aware of the danger) and will try to climb anything. They will wonder if the ball fits their nostril and might even try to find out. They are tiny explorers with no limits, for whom everything is possible.

And any sentence that starts with „Don’t” or „No!” is an open invitation.

While they’re still in kindergarten, another stage starts, the one where if you see white, they will choose black. They have infinite energy resources, which they use to negotiate with you to exhaustion. If you say „now we must…” for them it sounds more like „oh, here’s an old toy I don’t really like, but with which I’d like to play for 30 minutes before I go.”

And then they start school and they turn into pre-teens, when whatever mom and dad say is in a foreign language, most likely a boring and antisocial one.

Communication turns into a duel that starts from grades, curfew, the mess in his room, infinite hours spent on the phone, clothes, expenses, the phone bill and the fact that he’s not responsible enough. But schools and homework will account for 80% of the contradictory dialogues.

Although different, the problems at these stages have surprisingly similar solutions.

If you’re also exhausted from dealing with your stubborn child, here are 12 things you can do about it:

I’m inviting you go to page 2 to continue discovering the secrets to an efficient communication.