The reality is that we don’t need to find patience anywhere, because we don’t really need it. What’s important is not our child’s behavior, but the way we react to what’s happening around us, which in this case happens to be his behavior – at least according to Zariana and Nina Nekrasova, the authors of „Stop Educating Children and Help Them Grow”.
Most parents confess that they don’t have enough patience. When in reality you have just as much patience as you allow yourself to have. For example, you’ve decided (and hoped) that your baby would fall asleep in 30 minutes. But that half an hour has long passed, and then 5 more minutes, and then 5 more… and you’ve reached your limit (which you’ve set for yourself). And when that moment comes, you stop being patient and you either explode or just clench your teeth and put up with it.
But just remember all the times when your baby was sick. You’ll notice that you were very patient at those particular times: you could rock him to sleep for 2 or 3 hours, without becoming upset or mad at him, and the only thing you’d wish was that he got better. In this case, the only difference is that you didn’t set any limits to how patient you would be.
By looking at this example you can see how patience is just a concept that was invented by other parents, quite a relative one at that, the authors also say.
Here’s another example. When your child grows up and starts school, he receives his first homework, maybe writing something or solving simple math problems. If you allow him to do his homework in his own time, all will be fine. But if you keep expecting immediate results, thinking that „it’s taking him way too long to solve such a simple problem”, you will probably reach the end of your patience pretty fast.
Find out on the next page what the best solution is in order to solve this problem of insufficient patience once and for all.
The reason why you’re running out of patience is the fact that certain expectations you had were not fulfilled, regardless of whether we’re talking about the wish for a quiet night or your desire to raise the perfect student. As you’ve already noticed, these concepts are also invented – they’re not real. In fact, you’re dealing with a human being, a person you love, and who maybe lives by different rules, has a different rhythm of learning and his own innate skills that may sometimes be different from what’s taught in school.
That’s why the best solution is to just give up on these expectations and offer your child the chance to set his own tempo, rhythm and milestones along the way. All you can do for him is become a parent as naturally as possible, a parent that allows him to grow.
A natural parent is a parent that grows at the same time with his child, not a parent that pulls the child behind him.
What are the differences between a parent who grows alongside his child and a parent who’s simply patient?
The first is always aware of the following things:
- Since you only start running out of patience when certain expectations aren’t fulfilled, a natural parent doesn’t set any. A natural parent follows his child, not his own expectations.
- If your child fights you, he certainly has a reason for it.
- A natural parent looks for the real reason behind his child’s failures and fights it, not the child.
- Any situation has a funny side. A natural parent can see the funny side and laugh at it.
- A natural parent knows how to use relaxation techniques that help him calm down and make sound decisions.
- When the child’s behavior is wrong, a natural parent knows that in spite of his behavior, the child is good.
- Don’t forget that children can be mad at you as well.