And even more men, while acknowledging that their wives do have a lot of things to do while they stay at home with their children, are convinced that these things are so much easier that whatever they’re doing at work.
This leads to tensions at home, which automatically affect children.
On one hand, women need breaks, help and understanding. And on the other, husbands expect more appreciation, now that they’re the only ones working and spending most of their paychecks to cover the entire family’s expenses. Both sides expect more appreciation and understanding, which leads to a conflict of interests.
Family psychologist Pavel Zigmatovich made an in depth analysis of the mental state of stay-at-home moms or on maternal leave. This analysis is even more valuable, since it’s coming from a man who can’t help but think things from a man’s perspective, but is also willing to understand what is happening inside a woman’s mind and soul.
According to him, being a stay-at-home mom can prove more challenging than being a working mom. This has at least 5 causes:
1. You can’t control anything
In order to be happy, people need to feel like they’re in control of their lives. Control directly affects people’s heath, happiness and success. And control, from this Russian psychologist’s point of view, means making your own decisions and sticking to them.
But a woman who’s a stay at home parent hardly ever gets the chance to make her own decisions and stand by them. Say a mother decides, for example, to do some crunches while her baby takes his lunch nap.
But, surprise! The baby doesn’t want to sleep, in spite of the fact that he just ate well and was taken out for fresh air. And to do something while the baby isn’t sleeping is almost out of the question, except for emergencies, and those are usually accompanied by a soundtrack of protest crying.
These kinds of moments are a lot more common in the life of a stay at home mom than in the life of a working dad. And they are extremely strenuous.
2. You don’t see the results of your work
At a normal job, you immediately see the results of your work: a signed deal, a published article, a closed sale, a finished track, a built house. But at home – there’s nothing to see. A parent may finish washing the dishes, only to see the sink full again in less than an hour. He can mop the floors, but within minutes kids have already spilled milk or stuck modeling clay on it.
Moreover, a sometimes stay at home parents can’t even finish those activities, which only leads to further frustration. A stay at home mom, for example, takes the laundry out of the washing machine, but can’t even hang them out to dry before she needs to change the baby’s diaper. She changes the diaper, but, while she’s heading towards the laundry basket, the baby decides it’s time for his meal.
When we don’t see the results of our work, the consequences are more serious than just dissatisfaction. Our bodies are not rewarded for the work they do, which lowers their motivation for further work.
But does that even matter? Is motivation even important when you have to do the same things every single day, whether you want to or not?
Unfortunately, this leads to frustration and can lay the foundation for depression.