This recommendation comes from Alicia Eaton, hypnotherapist and NLP expert (which stands for neurolinguistic programming, a way of improving our communication with other people).Throughout her entire career, she has often been asked by desperate parents: „How can make him do what I ask?”
If your child listens the first time you ask and you don’t need to keep repeating yourself, than this article isn’t for you. But unless you’re one of the few happy parents whose children listen to them well, than I suggest you read about these techniques that will help you communicate better.
You will learn which words to avoid and which ones to use, how to phrase your sentences so that your message best reaches the child and that he actually listens.
Because you have no idea how many times we end up saying things to our children that they simply don’t understand, and since they have no idea what we really want from them, they don’t listen – all because the communication was faulty.
Parents who wonder about how they can convince their child to do what they ask will now discover three techniques that are as simple, as they are useful. And when you’re done reading, don’t fall into the trap of believing, as many parents do, that they’re too simple.
Start using these methods consistently. After you become aware of the mechanisms behind them and change the way you speak to the child, you will see results within days.
The simplest three steps that you can start with are: first, giving up on No and Don’t. Then, saying thank you at the beginning of your request, rather than at the end of it.
And, finally, compose your sentences in a way that makes your child feel like he has options that he can choose from. These are the simplest three changes, that will render very good results, because your child’s tiny ears will react a lot better.
The 3 fastest techniques that answer the question: „How do I get the child to do what I ask?” recommended by Alicia Eaton on her BBC and The Daily Telegraph appearances:
1. Always tell the child what you want him to do, not what you don’t want him to do
„Many of us get stuck in this circle of negativity, of negative communication. And without even realizing it, we start nagging”, Eaton explains in her book, Words That Work: How To Get Kids To Do Almost Anything.
And we really think we’ll get results by saying things like: „Stop leaving your clothes all over the place!”, „Do you really have to leave your boots in the middle of the house?”, „How many times have I told you to stop hitting your sister?”
So we use all of these negative phrases and then we wonder why our words don’t have any impact. We start thinking that our kid is stubborn and defiant. When, in fact, it’s all about the way we communicate.
The blame lies right within these trivial words. Even if they’re small and we use them often, words are so powerful, that they can end up sabotaging the relationship between us and the child.
Kids can’t read our minds, and up to 5-7 years old they don’t have the ability to decipher irony, even though they understand that we’re speaking ironically.
This is exactly why, if we want our child to do what we ask, the way we tell him that should change. And we’re suggesting that you use positive phrases instead of negative ones:
„The shoes belong in their place, by the door / on the shoe rack”
„Let’s see which one of us puts his shoes on first and if we can get to school earlier”
These linguistic strategies will work wonders and can be adapted to the child’s age. The sooner you start, the easier it will become to avoid all the problems that so many parents complain about.
If you’re also wondering how you can get your kid to do what you ask, on page 2 you can read about two more useful techniques: