2. They don’t trust their children
At the playground, you often hear phrases such as: „Leave that toy, you’re too young for it”, „Don’t go there, you can’t play like that”. This is how parents who are simply worried about their child’s safety actually tell them that they’re not capable of doing something, that they shouldn’t even try and that they – the parents – will establish what are the things they are capable of doing. Once this thought pattern emerges, the child will continue to refuse to experience new things all the way into adulthood.
As the child grows up, their parents’ lack of confidence in him will also manifest itself in other situations, such as when he’s doing homework or when it comes to grades.
So what parents actually keep telling their child, over and over again, is that they don’t trust his ability to perform certain tasks. And, after a while, the child starts believing it too.
3. They ask for things that are too difficult for the child’s age
Trying to explain a math exercise to your child by using methods he hasn’t fully learned yet will scare him more than they’ll help him understand. Just like you can’t ask him, after two weeks of swimming, to swim the entire length of the pool.
When a child feels that what the parent asks is beyond his capabilities, he will tell himself: „I don’t know how, I can’t, I won’t” and will eventually stop doing anything.
Also, when he’ll realize that he can’t do what he is being asked to, he’ll eventually even lose the confidence he had about doing other things, that he was capable of doing.
4. They create unexpected and stressful situations
Kids are most comfortable in a world where they know what to expect. When their parents have sudden mood swings, intensely emotional reactions that pop out of nowhere, or different reactions to a similar issue, their inner balance suffers and they experience stress they’re unprepared for.
As a reaction to this stress, children become increasingly passive and submissive.
5. Putting too much pressure on the child
Parents want their children to have good results. So they pressure them: to do more homework, and to do it well, to do extra work on a certain subject, to become exceptional athletes, and so on.
But if parents keep pointing out their child’s mistakes every day, after a while the child ends up believing that everything he or she does is wrong and that he or she isn’t capable of more.
6.They don’t notice their child’s small victories
Of course, it’s easier to notice a small grade, or a filthy or torn pair of trousers than the fact that on the same day your child managed to make the highest castle out of stones. So when you only refer to the things they’re doing wrong, when you ignore the good things they’re doing, their everyday small victories, you’re hitting right at the center of their self-esteem.
7. They are too afraid that they’ll destroy their child’s self confidence
At the opposite end of this spectrum are the parents who are so afraid that he’ll destroy the child’s self-confidence, that they minimize their interventions and don’t allow the child to take any responsibility. When in fact, what traumatizes a child is not a conversation about a certain situation, but labels and critiques.
If you respectfully talk to your child without labelling him, without comparisons and critiques, than you can tell him anything. Let him know, after he’s made a mistake, that what’s really important is what he does next to correct it.
Now that you’ve learned about the 7 ways through which parents lowers their children’s self-confidence, you probably understand more about how to raise an independent, confident child.
And the first thing you can do and that will help you most of all in this endeavor is to eliminate, as much as possible, all the negative language.
And you’ll end up convinced that you showed your appreciation, when in fact your child won’t see that, because your critique and judgmental behavior will be forcing him to shut you out.
Start by speaking with respect and confidence to your child, emphasizing, at the same time, all the good things that he’s doing.It’s never too late to help your child become more self-confident!
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