And yet, when it’s their turn to become parents, they treat their children the same way their parents treated them, thus raising a whole new generation of children with low self-confidence.
Even though their intentions are good, and, in some cases, they even successfully avoided repeating some of the other mistakes their parents did, some parents are still doing things that might affect their children’s self-confidence, without even realizing it.
Why is self-confidence important?
You probably know by now that, when faced with certain situations, people’s tendency to fail or succeed depends directly on their level of self-confidence.
Regardless of people’s qualities, skills or abilities, those who trust themselves will actually believe that they’ll make it, and, therefore, allow themselves to access all available resources, while a person with a low level of confidence will decide, from the very beginning, that they have no chance of succeeding and will either even give up trying, or will do it without getting too involved, just so they can say they tried.
It’s obvious why this attitude will never make anyone too successful.
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According to the American psychologist, Nathaniel Branden, who authored of many studies in this field, self-confidence can be defined as a feeling of strength coming from within that manifests itself whenever it comes to pursuing our dreams, and that allows us to act. Believing in ourselves is fundamental for survival, the American author explains.
Studies show that those who trust themselves get better grades in school, are happier and less depressed than those who don’t. Moreover, those same people are able to communicate better within a group, can handle failure, resist peer pressure and it’s easier for them to talk to strangers.
And during adolescence, self-confidence becomes even more important, because its lack can permanently alter your professional future.
Here’s what Gabriela writes to us: „I wish that my 9 year old boy would not give up that easily, that he would learn how to accept his mistakes, learn from them and trust himself.”
This same wish is on many parents’ wish lists and it’s what drives them to educate themselves about how raise their children’s level of self-confidence. Unfortunately, no strategy, no game and no communication technique will help you raise your child’s self-confidence if, at the same time, you also send him messages that destroy it.
We all understand that parents only mean well. We all want to protect our children from those who would hurt them, we want them to learn, to try, to succeed, we want to raise their ambition to do as much as they can and prepare them for the disappointments and the harm that might come to them, even after they leave home.
But most of the time all these good intentions aren’t really expressed in the best way. And what comes out of many parents’ mouths can hardly be considered something that will raise the child’s self-confidence – on many occasions, the effect is exactly the opposite.
7 ways in which parents destroy a child’s self confidence
1. They make the child believe that he is not good enough for them
„You disappointed me/us!”, „You’re stupid”, „You can’t do anything”, „I don’t know who you take after…”
Many parents rush to labels such as „You are always late” or „You break everything you touch”, and always compare their children to other children. Everything is said in an angry voice, with a non-verbal component that tells the child that he’s not accepted because he’s not good enough.
That way, from just one behavior, parents end up attacking the child’s entire identity. And that is a sure way to a bad self-image.